It would never be enough…

Opening Line

It was the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last.

She was only twelve, with a bob-hair cut, uneven fringe and a knack for making people uncomfortable.

Her dad said she stared to much.

“Wotcha staring for again, girl?”

Her mum said she read too much;

“Never gonna get yourself a lad that way, girl”

It was girl. Never, Emma. The name they had gifted her.

But girl, girl, girl.

She rolled her eyes at them a lot, when they weren’t paying attention – which, less face it, was quite often.

They hardly noticed if she was in the house or out. That’s probably what led to the first time. The fact that she knew no-one would be waiting. No-one would be worried. They would probably be too high of their heads to notice if she came in late. And it’s not like the teachers would care that she’d missed classes. It wasn’t that type of school – not a “have dreams, work hard” type of school. It was more, “these kids are doomed anyway, who cares what happens to them, as long as we get paid?” kind of school.

So she did it.

She caught the train.

And traveled.

Manchester to London. All by herself.

She sat and stared out the window. Stared and stared. Dreamed and dreamed.

(Hid, from the ticker inspectors, when the time came).

She never got off the train. Just traveled to London. Then waited for the train to return home.

She never spoke to anyone the entire day.

Never ate anything, save the chocolates she’d swiped from the corner shop that morning.

But she felt alive.

She had saw things.

Seen the city and the country through a small window.

Seen the business men and women on their way to work.

Seen the mothers cooing over babies, parents shouting at kids.

Seen teenagers bunking of school.

Couples fall asleep. Leaning on each other.

She had saw things.

And in her twelve year old mind she decided.

Enough.

It would never be enough.

This life her parents were living, it would never be enough for her.

She wanted to be a business women, typing away quickly and having important calls.

She wanted to be a mother, cooing over her child.

She wanted to lean on somebody.

So she would. She decided. She wasn’t sure how. She didn’t care how but she would get it. She would get it all.

And she did.

She most certainly did.

At twenty-four, the relationship came.

At thirty-two, she was managing director.

At thirty-five, a mother.

She had it all. She could afford train tickets now. Could afford a car to drive through those cities and towns. She had it all.

But still…

Every now and then.

She would tell a fib.

Just a small.

White.

Lie.

Nothing too serious.

She had important meeting. She had a family engagement. She had something or other.

And then of she would go.

On to the train.

And she would stare out that window. And she would watch the world go by. See the cities and the towns. She would watch and watch and watch.

She was just like those business women now.

She was just like those mothers.

She was just like those partners.

Enough.

She didn’t know, if it would ever be enough.

She sighed.

Maybe, she thought, maybe her secret excursions should last for longer.

Maybe one day, she she should get off at London.

Forget the return train, the husband, the baby, the business.

Maybe…


 

Written for the discover challenge prompt – this prompt has led to the creation of a whole story line in my head. My mind is filled with Emma stories! Now just to get them typed out…

Advertisements

Learn from those around you

We never stop Learning

I can’t count how many times my mum has said that to me over the years. When I was younger, it was the kind of thing I rolled my eyes at; “it’s just mum being mum” but it is true, we never stop learning.

Sure, we may finish traditional schooling but learning never ends.

I am currently doing an internship as part of my University degree, and over the past ten months here I have learnt so much.

There’s the obvious learning; the skills I’m taught, the new areas I work in, the terminology and the software and yes, those are all incredibly valuable but the learning that I feel will have even more of an impact on me are the things I’ve learnt merely by watching others around me.

Learning how to present my ideas confidently. To believe that despite my lack of experience, what I am saying is important.

Learning how to answer questions when I’m put the spot, to think quickly.

Learning the best way to deal with difficult clients.

There are so many things no degree can prepare you for.

By observing my colleagues, who have much more expertise than me, I have learnt so much more than any book could teach. I’ve learnt that if I have an idea I should speak up and how to ask for clarification if my project manager hadn’t made my role clear.

There so many things – many of which I’m sure I’ve picked up without even realizing – that I know will help me in the future, no matter what path I choose to take.

This post is short but I guess I have three main points: 1) learn from the people around you, 2) if you’re are student considering whether you should do an internship – DO IT! I urge you to take the opportunity if you have it – it will truly be invaluable and 3) even after we leave the classroom, we never stop learning.