The tendrils of self-doubt

The tendrils twist in my mind,

take over my neurons,

hijack my brain.

Next is my eyes,

the shutters go down,

before they reach my ears.

Sound becomes muffled

selective hearing, it is.

In my stomach they’ve placed a rock,

it sits there

heavy

burdensome

growing

and

drags

me

down.

Next my heart,

they whip their tendrils around the organ,

tighter and tighter.

Is it just me

or is it hard to breath?

Next are my arms and legs;

they pinch my nerves,

take control of the muscles.

Now, they’re nearly done

the last bit is my cheeks,

they pull them up into

a wide,

wide smile;

the perfect disguise.

And now they’re done,

mission accomplished.

Transformation complete.

I’m a walking, talking

zombie of myself.

It’s game over

for me

but

then

something happens;

not all at once,

but slowly.

Sudddenly I see

through

the haze,

see

something

good within me.

The innate resolve

gifted by my parents

suddenly awakens

deep within me.

I can hear,

through the haze,

I can see,

through the fog.

My stomach drops.

The rock

crumbles

slowly

and then

somehow

I find the energy

to sit and pray.

My faith’s

found me.

Clip.

Clip.

Clip.

The tendrils

around my heart

are cut

and cut

and cut.

My arms and legs

come back to me,

I gain control of my smile

and let the tears

f

a

l

l

I feel whole.

It started with the brain

but it ends with the heart

(or was it the other way around?).

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s